Below is a perfectly good reason why I would like to punch the heck out of my 14 year old self. Take note of the pathetic rhyming scheme, the elementary-level word choices as well as the obvious attempt to rant biographical accounts of high school scenes.

#throw-up #now

Our Fate: Together at the end or Apart forever

I never thought we would end up like this

the chemistry we once had was incomparable

now, we're like two diff'rent strangers

the pain is unbearable

My days were always alive whenever

my eyes would mingle with yours in the crowd

but all was just a silly illusion

and I just had my head in the clouds

This heart of mine had never felt

this deep anger and longing before

you broke it into a million tiny pieces

but I knew I still loved you more

I know it's my fault cause I was weak and stupid

I didn't have the courage that I left things unsaid

but didn't my actions yell louder than my words

than to lose you, I'd rather be dead

Misery and depression had come full circle

targets were aimed right through my heart

I'm losing my mind while guessing our fate

An ending together or a forever apart

Our love story went on like this

a great big confession in an empty hallway

memories of our short past friendship flooded me

that I couldn't answer right away

I wasn't so sure of my feelings

even if you were convincing right there

you made an awful lot of promises to wait

and I held on to them, I swear

It didn't take me quite long to see

that promises don't always last

you quickly found another deal

you burned my hopes to ash

But karma has a way of getting back

for you showed up one day crying and broken

I knew you deserved that kind of torture

but I couldn't let my concern stay hidden

As days passed by I knew I've already fallen

the heartbeat is real and the impulse is strong

I feared that you'll just play me like you did before

so I haven't even told you: I love you, we belong

I guess I've learned my lesson

I love yous are sometimes untrue

love can sometimes be brutal and cold

love can do stuff to you

Romance isn't always dinner dates and sunsets

it's not just sweet text messages too

next time I won't be so easy to fall

next time I'd know what to do

Last dances may prove to be divine

it can make you feel like the princess you dreamed to be

but there's also the concept of tragic endings

when you and your true love can't be

I knew I had to go my way

I couldn't risk another heartbreak

I couldn't keep pretending like all's fine

these tears I could not fake

so I say to you O' knight in shining jersey

I'm devastated you're not my prince

the future shouts a forever apart

so I'll blow my last goodbye kiss

Having A Coke With You

is even more fun than going to San Sebastian, Irún, Hendaye, Biarritz, Bayonne
or being sick to my stomach on the Travesera de Gracia in Barcelona
partly because in your orange shirt you look like a better happier St. Sebastian
partly because of my love for you, partly because of your love for yoghurt
partly because of the fluorescent orange tulips around the birches
partly because of the secrecy our smiles take on before people and statuary
it is hard to believe when I’m with you that there can be anything as still
as solemn as unpleasantly definitive as statuary when right in front of it
in the warm New York 4 o’clock light we are drifting back and forth
between each other like a tree breathing through its spectacles

and the portrait show seems to have no faces in it at all, just paint
you suddenly wonder why in the world anyone ever did them

I look
at you and I would rather look at you than all the portraits in the world
except possibly for the Polish Rider occasionally and anyway it’s in the Frick
which thank heavens you haven’t gone to yet so we can go together the first time
and the fact that you move so beautifully more or less takes care of Futurism
just as at home I never think of the Nude Descending a Staircase or
at a rehearsal a single drawing of Leonardo or Michelangelo that used to wow me
and what good does all the research of the Impressionists do them
when they never got the right person to stand near the tree when the sun sank
or for that matter Marino Marini when he didn’t pick the rider as carefully
as the horse

it seems they were all cheated of some marvelous experience
which is not going to go wasted on me which is why I am telling you about it

                                                                                                                 Frank O' Hara 

❤ I suddenly remember Beastly