So I downloaded Candy Crush at this time, wherein everyone's already moved on and gone over to Flappy Bird, like what is wrong with me?

Utang na loob, bakit ang awkward ko? :/

Fatal Hit.

I came to visit my bestfriend yesterday at her house.

Her little brother comes up and asks me where my younger sister, Claudia, is.

The conversation did not go as pretty as I thought:

Kirby: Asan yung kapatid mo?

Me: Wala eh. Asa bahay, may inaasikasong bisita.

Kirby: Sino?

Me: Yung manliligaw niya.

Kirbay: Ikaw, may nanliligaw sayo?

Me: *awkward silence* + *cricket sounds*

Socializing for Dummies

WE’VE ALL FELT IT. You don’t know what to say or what to do. You feel too aware of yourself and how you’re standing, how you’re looking, what you sound like. If you have teenagers, you know they feel it intensely. And some of the things teens do that seem so incomprehensible to parents stem from a simple desire to avoid feeling socially awkward.
Although it’s very natural to feel awkward around people you don’t know very well, it isn’t pleasant or productive. Here are two practical things anyone can do to feel more socially comfortable:

Relax your muscles. This makes you calmer. Most people don’t have any problem at all being social around people when they’re relaxed. That’s why social gatherings have traditionally served alcoholic beverages: It relaxes people. Find a muscle in your body that feels a little tense and consciously relax that muscle. You will instantly feel more at ease.

Make it your mission to help the other person feel more comfortable. Make conversation easy for the other person by asking questions she’ll enjoy answering. Find out the person’s name, whether she’s from this area, or if she’s not, where she’s from. Her answers will probably stimulate other questions and conversation. How about her family: Do they live in this area? Big family? Brothers and sisters? What do they do? How about work? What does she do for a living? Does she like it? What got her into it? How about travel? What parts of the world has she seen? Any hobbies? Listen with interest. Let her know you like what she’s saying. Help her feel comfortable.

That is basically six areas to talk about: name, home, family, work, travel, hobbies. Memorize that list of six topics, and when the time comes, the questions will come to mind easily, keeping the conversation lively and smooth. A smooth and lively conversation will put the other person at ease which will make you feel more comfortable.
You’ll probably never get to all six of the topics because as the other person starts talking, you’ll find points of interest you’ll want to know more about, and the two of you will start talking about that, and off you’ll go into Conversation Land.
You’ll get to know the person and have a wonderful time and you’ll just forget to feel awkward because you can only feel awkward when you’re self-conscious. As you become increasingly conscious of the other person, you become less conscious of yourself and your awkwardness disappears.
Relieve your social awkwardness by relaxing and concerning yourself with helping the other person feel comfortable. People will love you for it.



(Source: http://www.youmeworks.com/howtoavoidfeelingsociallyawkward.html)

I seduce with my awkwardness

Merriam-Webster dictionary defines awkward as lacking ease or grace.

And basically, maybe 50% or more of my anatomy is composed of it. I don't know why that is. It's not being shy. Shy is different and I can assure you, I'm far from it. I'm opinionated, talkative (with sense: optional) and outgoing. I guess the real issue here is the matter of comfort. Shy is never actually going for things or saying something because there is the presence of fear preventing the planned deed. Awkward is more of pushing through with said plan but never actually having the grace or poise to execute it without embarrassing oneself. That moment when you see a familiar more-of-an-acquaintance type of face from afar and your stomach seems to twist itself into knots. When you bump into a former high school “it” girl and realize, even though years have passed, the same social hierarchy still stands effective- you are what you have always been, the insignificant plain jane by the corner. When you pretend not to notice your past paramour when he's seated merely seats away from you on a jeepney. Those little moments when you want to tear your hair out and say censor-worthy things to destiny are routines for us, the awkward community. And ,frankly, sometimes it's just sad.

Sometimes I wish I was awake when the angels of heaven sprinkled social skills. I would have pushed my way through just to get a decent amount of it. Then I wouldn't have to struggle with myself, figuring out if I should have said hi at all to someone at the time and then regretting it afterwards when small talks turn as bad as lectures about certain “mature” things from your parents. AWKWARD!!!! I've always been the type who wants to approach people I know or knew. But when I do, it's either I mumble the weirdest facts, the corniest jokes, the most boring small talks or the most insincere how are you's. And when I don't, a feeling of guilt washes over me. I knew from the back of my mind “oh, no.. should've said hi, now I bet they think I'm a snob.” Please, I'm no snob. I just dont want to embarrass myself in front of you, in front of anybody in fact because, yes, my small talk skills are that terrible. Any way you look at it. I'm still the loser- always have and always will. Which makes me question if ever I do belong to journalism. Reporters aren't afraid to approach, much more dominate conversations. They're this people with golden tongues who know exactly what to say. I've never been that. I see to it that I plan what to say. I set up fillers and I figure out sneaky ways to inject humor (which in all honesty has failed me countless times already). I try to say smart things as much as possible. In the end, it just seems desperate and pathetic. But I guess that's just the way it is. I'm so awkward, maybe even my DNA and other microscopic constituents hide from each other to avoid communication.

But to my great fortune, some people find my social weakness, cute. They have the time of their life watching me rack my brain for things to say, which will eventually be cut short because I always politely and awkwardly excuse myself to go, knowing I would never make it past the 3 – 5 sentence record I have. I don't want to seem plastic to people but I don't want to come off aloof either. I don't know what to call friends who you're not that close to. Open friends? Haha, I made a funny. They're the real challenge, ofcourse. I mean when you're with your closest group of people, you can talk about cheese, for all you know, and you'd still be having a good time. It's different with these open friends. But I have to admit it makes life all the more exciting.

P.S. Imagine me running all action star-like just to avoid talking with a high school knowing. (Think Mission Impossible or more accurately, think Johnny English)