Since
I am somehow an inch-close to actually joining the likes of proud
,polished, employed men and women who celebrate every 15th
and 30th of the month, I figured that it is only proper to
give back some of the kind blessings and overwhelming generosity I've
been receiving lately by blogging about it. I know I'm no Mother
Theresa and maybe what I'm doing will hardly deliver any impact to
the lives of all those who have helped me but, what the heck, some
recognition is what anybody would want these days...
P.S
If it's any consolation, when I get rich- exaggeratedly rich, I vow
to give those people a car or something. hehe
And
so the story: I think I've mentioned in my previous posts that I am
not studying as of the moment. Hence, the need for me to make myself
useful and not be a burden to my parents whom I think are more
depressed than I am that I stopped. I seriously feel guilty most of
the time for not being smart I guess. If only I could have gotten in
that prestigious state university of the country then maybe we won't
be this much helpless. If only I could have done better in this
certain network marketing job I used to do then maybe we're not
worrying about tuition for my younger siblings right now. If only I
was talented enough or pretty enough to be on TV then maybe we'd have
the money to buy our own house. So many over-the-top, drama-queen
“if's” but I hope you get the point anyway. And while my supposed
to-be classmates are busy learning about the basics of news writing,
I am busy hating myself for being worthless.
But
then, there are such things as miracles. And you don't just let
things like those pass. You freakin' chase after them if you have to.
A relative of ours came to the rescue. She was so nice even if we
just met for the first time- second actually but I was really young
then and all I could remember was that I was too shy to say hi eye to
eye and thus no image of her was saved in my brain. Anyway, I was
offered a job tutoring online. I was ecstatic! Finally I could help
with the bills and stuff. I could save money again because there is
money to be saved again to start with. And most importantly, I could
look forward to going back to school much more now that I have the
means to actually fulfill doing so. Ate Celyn, as I call her, has
been very gracious and patient the whole time she was teaching me the
ropes of teaching online. I would always have this fear that she
would get mad and quit helping me whenever I text her questions about
this and that, but she would just reply with everything answered and
with that timeless smiley. I will forever be grateful to her.
As
I expected the whole procedure of being hired has been a whirlwind.
For the most part, I always see myself blowing the chance off. I
guess not being in school while all the others your age are, takes
its toll by munching on your self-esteem. To top my
confidence-deficiency off, the internet connection in every house I
go to seems to be hating me. My interview for the job, my first one
in fact, was anything a thriller/comedy movie could be- if ever
something like that does exist. Skype kept messing around, my
headphones and mic were grounded, internet in that house of our
neighbor was impossible and I was extremely nervous. First part was a
grammar test, second was essay, and I was stressing my way the entire
time. I don't know if it was the internet connection or just Skype
but things were really lagged the whole time and I kept picturing
myself failing the dang interview. The interview part was worse, I
guess. I was stuttering from the nervousness, but quite frankly from
being unsure of what I'm saying exactly. But for some weird luck, the
interviewer announced that I passed the interview. I was completely
dumbfounded when I heard it that I asked him once more if what I
heard was right. I was prepared to yell out the excitement but then
stopped halfway and apologized because I knew he had heard me
somehow. It was very unprofessional but thank god he didn't take back
me passing the interview. I knew I screwed up big time but like Ate
Celyn, I think Mr. Interviewer somehow sensed I needed this. I needed
the job. But I needed to prove myself more.
My
next two angels were girls. They had the most beautiful voices I have
ever heard, no joke. Because everything is done online like the job
itself, I had to pray really hard that the internet be cooperative or
else it could be the end for me. No job. No help to the family. No
worth. But like my previous unfortunate encounter, I always get
disconnected and stuff. I said to myself that it wasn't going to be
like the interview. I will prepare hardcore for this. But then the
universe so merrily conspired for me to have another replay of that
tragic moment. My demo class wasn't perfect. The curse followed me to
Ate Celyn's house. It's a good thing that the demo student didn't get
mad and ditched me. I was very thankful for her that I passed. I knew
I did sort of well there, I worked hard for that day. And Ate Celyn
coached me a little. The next stop was the orientation. It's like
everything was being set up perfectly for me and I just didn't knew
it. Because before passing this stage, I was again having connection
troubles and blubbering cases. I was surprised to find out that some
of the questions were not in the reading materials the company sent
me. I kept saying goodbye to me having work the entire time. But
then, like a fairytale movie, it always has this happy ending. The
trainer announced I passed but reminded me to review and go over the
readings so as to not fail in the OJT.
So
I'm almost at the last stop. I cannot screw this at any cost because
there will be no one to save me now. I really hope we'll have our own
connection anytime soon. But in the meantime, I'm still trying to get
over all the luckily unlucky events that have happened, trying to
think of ways to get back at those people who went and gave me a shot
and trying to push myself to be better.
*
Sorry for the inconvenience this boring, poorly written post has
brought you...
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